Candy Rain

Wow! I have been inactive for a while but guess who just inspired me? There are so many things wrong here. From those shades which look like he bought them at the Nairobi Show to that ridiculous looking thing around his neck. Not to mention that luminous jacket he's wearing. The amazing thing is that get-up cost him enough money to feed the hungry ghetto kids for at least a week. Instead this man chooses to come out of the house looking like a metrosexual 50 Cent! I hope his wife to be changes his wardrobe for the better. These are the kind of men who show up to their own weddings in a pink suit with a feather in the cap. What the hell?

Where would we be without makeup?

What would women do without make-up? I bet the story line in Desperate Housewives would be really different.........lol It's all good though. We all have our bad days..........though some of us try to stay at home under such desperate situations.

Why??????

To think I had some really steamy dreams about this dude. Fellas, let me let you in on a little secret. We love to see your sexy bodies, but we also get turned on by a well dressed man. A six-pack can only take you so far. Taye, I know you got money but pretty much everyone is familiar with Walmart. A mirror will only run you maybe 20 bucks. I even offer to install it for you right behind your door so you'll never have an excuse for looking like this again. That look is so not you (or anyone for that matter).

NB: I went easy on you coz I know you have potential!

Moulin Rouge in the Ghetto

Ok it seems Luda has a lot of work to do with Shawnna. Where to start? Maybe I will just concentrate on the most important issue here and leave the rest (like the weave) for later. Shawnna, Shawnna, Shawnna! As women, we love to be told we look sexy. You have to learn not to take it so literally though. Your boo will tell you that you look good coz he wants to stay on your good side and try to get some later on. But that is all just pillow talk! Not that you should never wear this shit. It's fine if you want to spice up your sex life with all the freaky shit but not in public coz honey you look a hot mess!!!!! Don't even wear it for Halloween! What a disgrace!

African Queen

So, I am really proud of my African roots. Once in a while I even sport some of those kikois and kangas my mum insists on bringing me every time she comes to visit. But they ain't never looked like this right here! She looks like one of those gift wrapped presents you open last because it looks way too complicated. If my mother tried cooking ugali in that, something would catch on fire! Alicia, shame on you for being on my blog twice already! Keep singing though.

It will be alright....

I know I have been quiet for a while but I was busy getting my grind on. I do have something to pick everyone's spirits up. This is just to let y'all know that stars do have their off days too. So if you are looking all crazy right now, Michelle Williams (Destiny's Child) just gave us permission to look a hot mess. I thought they had personal assistants and make-up artists? Maybe they were all given the day off. I hope they don't get too much time off because she really does need the help. We still love you Michelle.

When will she learn??

I will keep this one very short : sexy vs skanky? How do you tell? When, you are wearing something that Courtney Love would never be caught dead in..................that's skanky!!! Mariah, we all love silk sheets but leave them in the bed room. Makes it extra special at night! You don't need to be going cheap.

Rocking everywhere!!!!

You know, I think God was just being unfair when he gave her that ass. On most people, the ass is non-existent or just outrageously humongous!!! She gets a nice size ass and very nicely formed. Now, I am straight but some things you just can't help noticing!! You'd have to be blind. So this one is for all the guys who need some eye candy and for all the girls who need some motivation to get into shape for the summer. Don't be going out there in those bikinis that can't hold all that junk in the trunk! You got to tone it first. Ask J-Lo!

Something ain't right!!!

Who needs girlfriends if they can't even tell you when you look a hot mess!!!

Damn!!!!

Oh jeez!!! Why do people keep acting like there are no mirrors on this planet???? I know we all can't look good 24/7. If you are going out somewhere though, where your image will forever be immortalized by the paparazzi, you do not want to be the one caught looking like this!! Vivica has an excuse for everything so I will let her slide. I chalk her scary look to the trauma unleashed on her by 50. As for Tisha, she just looks like a 3rd rate ho on K Street! And those lips.........there has got to be a legal limit as to how much botox you can have!!! Mid-life crisis maybe??? Totally unacceptable!

Sad times!!!

Ok so I still cannot get over this. It all went so horribly wrong!!!! Crack is wack y'all..... Nuff said!

What's in a bag?

I don't know...............condoms, keys, a refrigerator maybe??? I personally like large bags. But large within reason(just like my men). What could you possibly need that bad that cannot fit in a bag a little smaller? Those of us who went through 8-4-4 may be excused coz it's a habit. But you would think that a couple of millions would get you someone to at least carry the encyclopedia(yeah right! like she knows what one is). Or maybe she is hauling around a spare set of boobs. They are not very reliable you know...........you have to change them every so often! Just ask Lil Kim............

Someone say Scary!!!!

So, when I was a kid, I remember watching some music show on KBC and they always used to play this song by Dolly about an eagle and she was on a swing. Well, she kind of did look nice in a way. But after one too many nips and tucks, this is what you get. I want to say that she looks like the scarecrow in The Wiz but that would be an insult to him. Dolly, why don't you leave these punk dos to Avril Lavigne. At least she can use her age as an excuse. This is way too bizarre-looking.

Before going under the knife.......

So, before you consider having some surgery done, maybe you should take a look at her. Where did it all go wrong? I'll tell you where. The day she asked Michael Jackson for a referral to his doc. Come on lady! At some point, someone should have said enough is enough. I mean, is she even human?? And here's the shocker............she's a model!! She can't be doing a whole lot of business with a mug like that! Although, I am sure some men are going to be enjoying those freakish things on her chest. To each his own, I guess!

I think Alicia is a very talented young woman. However, sometimes I think she should be given two choices. Either hide behind a curtain and let us marvel at her talents, or hire a competent stylist. With the second choice being the best for all involved. In this pic she comes off as a wannabe Zorro from the Moulin Rouge!!!! Alicia, I have seen you do better. What with this make-up gone awfully wrong!! Did they let your 2 year old niece loose on you with all the make-up in the world??? Save just a little bit(or maybe a whole bunch) for the rest of us. Still love you honey!

Get your shine on.....or not!!!

Now, I am a big fan of Venus! However I think she should park her ass on the court and steer clear of the red carpet! Granted this was at a yacht party. Chalk it up to sea sickness or something. But with all that stuff around her neck, she looks more like a voodoo priestess!!!! Now I am just saying....And a little bit of advice for the two lovely ladies: when they rap about getting your shine on, they do not mean for you to take it literally! I hope this was just from getting your groove on or something but try to find a powder room or something. You are on a damn yacht and not on the moon so one should not be that hard to find before you pose for the cameras. And for missy on the right, as dude said on tv last night, if your earrings are bigger than your toaster, lose them like yesterday! Until next time. Peace!!!

Simply Beautiful

Now, I know from time to time, people like Remy Ma and others need a little fashion advice. No need to look any further................On this blog, we ain't just hating..........we educating!!!!! Just go for the simple look! Just because you ain't no spring chicken does not mean there is no room for you on the Thanksgiving table! Angela just perfects this sophisticated look effortlessly! All you guys out there can hit me up for the full shot. I don't want any wankers in here!! Yeah that's MY rule. Got a problem??? Thought so! Now go on and leave me alone. I've done my good deed for the day!

How do I hate this? Let me count the ways......

Would someone please tell me what she is trying to do? I felt so bad I decided not to post the full shot! The head shot was bad enough! From the freaky blonde-brunette hair-do to the bubblegum machine earrings! Would someone please let her know that we have not started working on hybrid hair-dos yet!!! A few highlights are acceptable. But this...... I mean, what would Jesus say? Not to mention her little jacket (and when I say "little" I mean "little"). Remy, Dakota Fanning needs her clothes back. You know you are too grown(for lack of a more politically correct term) to be wearing that shit!